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Cary Brunswick

December 10, 2013

Obama knows if you've been bad or good



“I didn’t want her exposed to that kind of stuff, so I took Santa aside during a break and asked him to disregard that item from my daughter’s wish list. Of course, it was all for naught. A year later, my predecessor invaded Iraq and, in real life, we started killing tens of thousands of Arabs.’’

The president told Steve he wanted to read and doze for the remainder of the flight, but when alone he snuck out his laptop and tried again to get on the government’s new health-insurance website. He enjoyed a lengthy nap while waiting to connect.

Santa was pacing the corridors at the North Pole’s frigid airport when Air Force One slid down on the runway, which was kept icy because of all the upcoming sleigh traffic. It was Santa’s busiest time of the year and the elves were complaining about how they can barely survive on minimum wage. So, he was somewhat annoyed that the president wanted to visit now.

“Hello Mr. President,’’ Santa said, taking off his white gloves as he greeted the visitor with a handshake. “I’m honored by your presence, but I checked your daughters’ lists and you needn’t worry. No violent video games. In fact, they both asked for DVDs on creative thinking, because they said they were spending all their time in school preparing for standardized tests.’’

“That’s fine,’’ the president said, “but I’m sick of hearing complaints about Common Core. That’s not why I wanted to talk to you, anyway. I have a plan that should help you get all your work on Christmas Eve done more efficiently.’’

Santa smiled between his rosy cheeks and said he would welcome anything to make his job easier.

“Great,’’ the president said, explaining how he was looking for peacetime uses for the government’s drones. “Eventually, we’ll end the fighting in the Middle East, but there’s something to be said for these planes that don’t need a pilot on board. They are so precise. Just think, you could sit here at the North Pole in front of a computer screen and get all the presents delivered by drones.’’

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Cary Brunswick

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