“We have laws, and we will enforce them! If you are here illegally, then you are here illegally, and therefore, a criminal. Any questions? If you have been behaving yourself, get down to the immigration office, let them know who you are, and we might give you favorable treatment. If you’ve been a troublesome sumofagun, haul your butt south pronto, because the border is closing tomorrow!
“To our friends and allies abroad: Start acting like it! To our enemies and potential foes: Mess with us and your world will end quicker that flipping a burger on a barbeque!
“You folks at the UN better beware. I hear much more BS outta you and Manhattan will have a new parking lot. You can relocate to Bangladesh, France, or go to Hollywood and be extras in the next Star Trek movie.
“To those of you who are just plain lazy and have looked to Washington for support for years or even generations, things are gonna change. We’ve got too many people riding in the wagon and not enough pulling. It’s time to provide for yourself!
“By the way, those of you wanting the government to raise the minimum wage to $15 per hour, I have a novel idea. Get yourself a job that is worth $15 an hour!
“Enough said. Thanks for coming. It’s time to get to work.”
Later that night, instead of spending hundreds of millions on inaugural balls like George W. and Obama, he’d have a simple celebration at VFWs and American Legions across the country. Not a bad idea! It’s about time we honored those that made America possible.
How about a Cabinet made up of Cooter, Elrod and Cleatus, but even better yet, fancy negotiating a peace treaty with a secretary of state named Billy Bob “Wildman” Tolbert? Just imagine a secretary of defense named Harley “Touch Down” Woodcock, who has more personal guns than Seal Team Six.