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December 31, 2013

Let's all go back into the closet in '14

By Chuck Pinkey
The Daily Star

---- — To those of you who didn’t find that sparkling new Lexus, Mercedes or Audi sitting in the driveway of your million-dollar home on Christmas morning with a red ribbon on it, join the club! Once again, my wife says, “Next year, for sure!”

I’ll tell ya, when that “next year” arrives, the Caribbean cruise, the Mercedes, the bench rest target rifle, the hunting trip to Kodiak Island, and that new King-Cab 4wd pickup, I’ll be in hog-heaven!

However, focusing on 2014, what New Year wishes would tickle the heart of this old conservative? Maybe, Sam Pollak joining the NRA, or Gov. Cuomo bunking with Rod Blagojevich, or President Obama getting caught telling the truth might do the trick.

Snapping back to reality, I’ve had a pet peeve for a long time, and it will most likely remain just that, but with all the flak about Duck Dynasty, my main 2014 New Year wish would be for all of us to return to the “closet.” Yes, return to the closet. 

I realize the days of the Puritans are long gone, and that’s not necessarily all bad, but this constant focus on sex, and the sexual aggression of young men and women will continue to decay our Judeo-Christian ethics and morals. Does anyone think this media-driven, public fixation with sex 24/7 is a good thing?

People say that my time is over, and we can never go back. Well, I’m 64 years old, and there sure won’t be another 64, but history tells us that mankind does go back. The decadence of Rome ended, and Elizabethan England eventually gave way to Victorian England.

In America, we’ve had the 1890s followed by the Roaring ‘20s. The 1940s and ‘50s were traditional and family-oriented, and they were followed by the late ‘60s revolution.

Let me give you a small example of what I mean by the “closet.” I grew up in Corning in western New York and attended East High, which comprised 10th, 11th and 12th grades. My class had 365 students, or should I say attendees? So, 1,000 kids were enrolled in the mid-’60s in East High.

Four-letter words were not used, the norm was two-parent families, we learned to read and write, teachers were respected, pre-marital sex was every boy’s dream and remained as such, and to my knowledge, out of those 1,000 teenagers, only two became pregnant before marriage. Maybe the “closet” wasn’t such a bad thing? 

I don’t care who you love or sleep with. I couldn’t care less about the latest celebrity wardrobe malfunction, the morphing of Hannah Montana into Miley in the buff, and Charlie Sheen’s love life gives me the creeps. I’m just sick and tired of hearing about all of this stuff! Let’s put it back where it belongs, in the closet, and not in my face 24/7.

The NY Safe Act is high on my wish list, right next to hemorrhoids and root canal work. Wouldn’t it be nice if all three just went the way of Anthony Weiner? Specifically, I wonder why those protecting Gov. Cuomo can load 15, while those of us protecting our families can load only seven. I guess we’re only half as important.

Also, it seems un-American that we can’t leave a finely tuned, legally purchased AR to our children, and each time we want to purchase a box of .22LR ammo, we have to get the state’s permission. 

Next for 2014, I wish for more gridlock in Washington. People complain that we have a “do nothing” Congress, and that no meaningful legislation has been passed. That’s right, and thank God for it! 

Every time these power-hungry, money-grubbing, corrupt, political jackasses pass a bill, it restricts freedom or raises taxes. Kind of like having a mechanic that’s your wife’s cousin. He can’t do anything right, but you can’t fire him, so it’s best that he just stands around and doesn’t do any damage.

Another prize in the Cracker Jack box would be the long overdue purge of the Republican Party. For too long, we have been told that moderation and compromise are the keys to victory. So, we nominate McCain and Romney for president, and our congressional leadership is headed by Boehner and McConnell.

We lose, and compromise our country into massive debt. It’s time for these “has-beens” to go home! Their time is over. New, young blood is needed.

Of course, we wish for more continued success for Obamacare. It is off to such a promising start that Leno, Letterman, Kimmel and Stewart have years worth of material. 

One last wish, and that would be for an end to the nonsensical moratorium and bans on gas exploration in New York. Must our economy decay along with our culture?

CHUCK PINKEY is a retired area businessman. He can be reached at chuck.ontherightside@gmail.com. The views expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of The Daily Star and its editorial board, but the author thinks they ought to.