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Columns

March 25, 2008

Travels with Uncle Chet: Obama gets offer of speech material

``I'm coming out of retirement to work for Obama as a speech writer,'' Uncle Chet announced as we sat down to Easter dinner.

``I've got an Obama hat,'' said Buddy, our 7-year-old newshound.

``Obama's doing pretty well on his own,'' said Alice. ``He's the best speaker we've had since Bobby Kennedy.''

``Even better,'' I said.

``He is,'' said Uncle Chet. ``But I could be his redneck speech writer, help him reach the under-educated.''

``What would you write?'' asked Hon as she served steaming roast chicken.

``Oh, I think I'd go after Hillary this week,'' he said. ``Something like `Liar, liar; pantsuit's on fire!'''

``Now that, is absolutely awful,'' Alice shook her head, long silver hair waving back and forth.

``Can you hear him saying that?'' I said. ``He'd lose 10 percent in the polls in the first hour.''

``I think I could do better than that,'' said the little miscreant, our ninth-grader.

``Go ahead, try,'' Uncle Chet challenged her and she started thinking.

``Afraid all we have is red wine today,'' I said, driving the corkscrew into a bottle of merlot.

``I like red with everything,'' said Alice.

``Me, too,'' said the little miscreant.

``Me, too,'' said her little brother.

``You guys get grape juice,'' Hon passed them the Welch's and started the serving bowls in motion around the table.

``Looks delicious,'' said Alice.

``Chicken, potatoes, cauliflower, celery, homemade rolls; this is a feast,'' Uncle Chet pronounced. ``And we ought to give thanks before we dive in.''

``Go ahead,'' I said and put down a serving spoon.

``Thank you, Lord, for this food and friendship, and please kick the devils out of Washington by the end of the year,'' said Uncle Chet.

``Amen,'' said Alice.

``It might actually happen this time,'' I said, ``unless people fall for the line that the surge is working.''

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