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December 28, 2013

Celebrate 2013 with the annual 'Sammy Awards'

OK, now I’m good and angry. After eight glorious years of pounding the keys until my fingerprints wear off while producing my coveted Sammy Awards, I discover that something called Security Sales and Integration (SSI) Magazine is attempting to horn in on my good name with its own Sammy Awards.

This rank bit of thievery was done in a slick, duplicitous manner that has known no bounds, which included the magazine beginning its Sammy Awards in 1994, more than a decade before I started mine.

“Acknowledging Security Installing Contractors for their Superior Sales and Marketing Efforts Since 1994” goes the magazine’s motto.

Rest assured the scoundrels will soon be hearing from my attorneys, but meanwhile, feast your eyes on the real deal, the ninth-annual, genuine, rootin’-tootin’ Sammys.

The “What Are You Complaining About? You Got Your Two Seats” Sammy goes to:

An airline company that “didn’t have a clue.”

The United Kingdom’s Telegraph reported that a 43-year-old British man named Les Price needed to book a flight back home from Ireland in October. Realizing that at 518 pounds he was well over the unnamed airline’s 280-pound limit for a single seat, he booked two seats well in advance.

Mr. Price boarded the plane only to find that one seat was in row 17, and the other in row 19.

On his flight to Ireland, the airline hadn’t done much better.

“They didn’t have a clue,” he said. “When I finally got on the plane one was an aisle seat and the other was by the window — in a three-seat row.”

Fortunately, thanks to the seat-switching cooperation of some other passengers, Price managed to get home.

The “What Are The Odds of That Happening” Sammy goes to:

Two star-crossed lovers in China.

The premise has appeared often on film, from “The Shop Around the Corner” to “In the Good Old Summertime” to “You’ve Got Mail.” Two people who know each other secretly communicate without being aware of the other’s identity. Then, it all turns out well in the end.

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