That’s exactly how I felt when I saw row after row of 16½-35 shirts for 70 percent off at Mr. Banks’ wonderful establishment. The room started to swim. Needing fresh air, I staggered to the car and summoned my wife into the store.
“There are …. there are shirts … in my size,” I gurgled, trying to clear my head. “I will have a choice. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had a choice before. You must help me.”
She entered and asked me what I thought about each shirt. I smartly uttered something along the lines of “Buh, buh, buh, buh,” and a short time later, we departed with me clutching to my chest the five shirts we purchased.
To be sure, I still feel like an outcast, a brown shoe hoping the tuxedo world doesn’t look at me too closely … but at least I’m an outcast who’s got some shirts that fit him.
Sam Pollak is the editor of The Daily Star. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or at (607) 432-1000, ext. 208. His columns can be found at www.thedailystar.com/sampollak.