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Columns

December 18, 2012

A public Christmaswouldn't be theend of the world

Nice seeing you again, Wayne. Thanks for the help, good luck and Merry Christmas.

According to the Mayans, the world is going to end Friday. This prophecy is talked about everywhere from the History and Discovery channels to the National Geographic Channel, and even on the main network news outlets.

This could be the opportunity of a lifetime to max out that credit card, finance that new nine-passenger SUV without the extended warranty, and get the little lady a new fur coat. Yes, a real one. Hey, why not? It doesn’t matter now.

Buy yourself an iPad. Put it on the credit card, and impress the daughters. Even though you have no idea what it is or how to use it, they’ll think you’re fashionable and stylish at least once before you die.

As you read this, there are only two possible outcomes. You have mere hours to live and will soon suffer a fate more gruesome than being a vegetarian at a bacon-cook-off, or the Mayans were wrong, your life will go on into 2013, and you’ll suffer four more years of “Hope and Change” and the introduction of Obamacare.

Either way, you’re doomed, but one fate is quicker and more humane than the other.

Gadzooks! This could be your last Christmas season! Regardless of the Mayan Apocalypse, many Americans try to accomplish the same or at least try to diminish the holiday, and steer America onto a more-secular course. We call it the “War on Christmas,” but they call their efforts our “imagination”

For example, a couple of years ago, we were in Niagara Falls on Christmas Eve. The park, next to the falls, was decorated with inflated and illuminated figures of Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Winnie the Pooh, Frosty and some sort of stupid-looking tiger. No angels, manger scene, wise men, star, Christ Child, nor even Santa were seen.

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