April 08, 2008 03:02 pm ``What's Hillary going to do after she loses?'' asked Uncle Chet as he served himself more spaghetti. ``Make money,'' I said. ``Big piles of money from a book about helping the poor.'' ```It Takes a Banker,'" said Cousin Bruce, who'd breezed in from Springfield last night. ``It Takes a Broker,''' said Uncle Chet. ``And her buddy Spitzer could write `It Takes a Hooker,''' I said just before my brain engaged and Hon shot me a dark look. ``What's a hooker?'' asked Buddy, our 7-year-old. ``Yes,'' said Hon. ``Why don't you explain that, Daddy?'' ``It's a bad word that slipped out of my mouth,'' I said. ``Basically, it means someone who will do anything for money.'' ``Will Hillary do anything for money?'' he asked. ``Probably not, anything,'' I said. ``What won't she do?'' asked Cousin Bruce with a smirk on his face. ``I have no idea,'' I shrugged my shoulders. ``After she drops out, after Pennsylvania, she'll go back to the Senate and pick up where she left off,'' said Hon. ``She's got four years left on this term.'' ``Do you think she can get re-elected, after this?'' said Alice. ``Probably,'' said Hon. ``Who can beat her?'' ``Someone with a good memory,'' said Uncle Chet. ``Someone who keeps tabs on all the lies.'' ``Sounds like he's talking about himself,'' said Cousin Bruce. ``No, I'm too old, like McCain,'' said Uncle Chet. ``But she's vulnerable. The more she talks, the lower she sinks in the polls, even in New York. The only thing keeping her afloat is big money.'' ``And Obama's got more of that,'' I said, pouring myself some wine. ``No, he doesn't. He's got more donors, but they're mostly small potatoes, like me,'' said Uncle Chet. ``Clinton's got the fat cats because they know she's one of them. And she'll have them when she runs for re-election, but I think Obama's showing us how to beat her.'' ``Run someone young, ' I suggested. ``Use the Internet,'' said Cousin Bruce. ``The Internet's a big part of it,'' said Uncle Chet. ``This is the first Internet election and it's like having a million reporters covering the race. News gets out a lot faster with that kind of competition.'' ``You mean, like the sniper stuff on YouTube,'' said the little miscreant, our ninth-grader. ``There you go,'' said Uncle Chet. ``That sniper story shows how she doesn't understand the Internet. In the old days, say four years ago, a network might report that Hillary's recollection didn't match the facts, then the story would fade away. But now with YouTube, you can search for `Hillary sniper,' and watch her lie her tail off about landing in Tuzla, running for cover like Rambo, then see what really happened.'' ``She was on Leno last week, joking about it,'' said Cousin Bruce. ``Shows how desperate she is,'' said Uncle Chet. ``She can't deny it, can't explain it, can't say she confused it with some other instance of dodging bullets, so all she's left with is joking about her lack of character.'' ``They don't say she lied, though,'' Alice noted. ``They just say she `misspoke.''' ``The first time I heard that word was from Nixon, just before he went down in flames,'' I said. ``Who's Nixon?'' asked Buddy. ``He was president when I was a little girl,'' said Hon ``Was he good?'' the little boy asked. ``At the time, we thought he was terrible,'' I said. ``But that was before we knew what terrible was.'' ``Maybe we still don't,'' said Uncle Chet. ``If we end up electing McCain, he'll push the button if he doesn't get snappy room service.'' ``He was on TV yesterday, saying the war is going great,'' said Cousin Bruce. ``I heard him say he doesn't understand the economy,'' said Alice. ``He doesn't need to,'' said Bruce. ``He married a beer fortune.'' ``He's just like Bush, another `compassionate conservative,''' I said. ``Only this time, the buzzword is `maverick.''' ``Well, whatever he was, he's losing it,'' said Uncle Chet. ``And whoever they pick as his running mate better be ready by day two.'' ___ Cooperstown News Bureau Reporter Tom Grace is traveling with his Uncle Chet, who he says is imaginary. Grace's column appears every other week.
—
Copyright © 1999-2008 cnhi, inc.
Photos
