Recently a newsletter from a neighboring county went across my desk with a piece I thought was so good, I wanted to share it. I called the author and secured his permission. The author is lawyer Del. B. Salmon of Salmon and Salmon of Amsterdam, who serves as the legal services representative for Montgomery County.
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Are you worried about your parents' safety as they grow older? While having a discussion with your parents about illness, death and financial issues can be awkward, it is one of the most important conversations you will ever have. The following fictional letter illustrates the talking points that you will want to cover when you have such a conversation:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am asking for you to help me help you sometime in the future if you are unable to manage your affairs.
While I respect your independence and am not looking to take control away from you, I would like you to provide me with some information so that, if the need arises, I can help take care of you in the future just as well as you have always taken care of me.
I don't need this information right now. I just need to know that you have the information and where to find it if I ever need it.
Who are your health-care providers? In the event of a medical crisis, I would appreciate it if you will create a list of your health-care providers (physicians, physician's assistants, therapists, dentists) including their addresses and phone numbers.
What medications are you taking? Please make a list of your prescriptions, vitamins, supplements and over-the-counter remedies, as well as any allergies you have to the same.
Where do you keep your financial papers?
While I do not want to mind your personal business, this information is vital if you become unable to mind your affairs and will result in considerable savings in time and money if I do not have to "hunt" for this information.
Do you have your legal affairs in order? If you do not already have a will, power of attorney and health-care proxy, you will need them to protect yourself and guarantee your wishes are carried out if you are unable to speak for yourself. The legal services program in your county has an attorney who can provide these services to you with a request for a donation but without a legal fee. You should contact your local Office for the Aging for a referral for legal assistance.
What type of final arrangements would you like? This is a practical consideration considering the vast number of choices as well as the expense. If possible, I would appreciate that you preplan for these arrangements. If you are uncomfortable doing so, please put your wishes in writing in a place where I can find them (NOT IN YOUR WILL) and honor you by honoring them.
Mom and Dad, please remember that I love you and respect your values and independence. Please help me help you by providing me with the information that I would need to carry on with your affairs if you can not.
With love,
Your Child
R. Carol Coltrain is director of the Schoharie County Office for the Aging.
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