April 19, 2008 04:00 am I would like to take time this month to put all your minds at ease by clearing up the age old controversy of whether or not curiosity actually did ever kill any innocent felines. It didn't. Curiosity is given such a bad name, and I just don't find any good reason why. Who thought up the idea of associating something as morbid as dead cats with curiousness anyway? In my opinion, curiosity is quite benign. At the very worst, it might leave some minor bruising, but for the most part it has a tendency to be a great deal of help. It's especially helpful in the problem-solving process. Think about it, what would any of us know, and where would we be if we didn't have any motivation to test or explore the possibilities in this world? That's right; we'd likely still be huddled together in some cave up in the mountains, eating the last of our winter ration of roots and berries. For me, personally, curiosity has been invaluable in helping me reach for what I know is my full potential. It's a lifelong process, of course, so I definitely don't claim to be any kind of model of perfection. Even so, I hope I never ever stop seeking to grow and improve myself. I just find it too much of an incredibly fulfilling and rewarding life project. For the last 21/2 years now, I have been working on redefining my world. I've been figuring out who I am, apart from the expectations and influences of others. I also have been pondering what my life purpose is and how to go about achieving it. It has at least taken the willingness to get curious first, though. I've had a lot of fun exploring what I'm really good at and what resonates deeply inside of me. Those things are what have led me to places of personal empowerment. Along with the uplifting, rewarding aspect, there's also a down side to it all. Even so, I doubt it's ever been enough to kill your cat. I mean, what doesn't kill it can really only make it stronger, right? My curiosity about life and where I choose to fit into the bigger picture has meant I've had to be brutally honest with myself. By that, I mean acknowledging and examining my shortcomings, noticing all the mistakes I've made and owning up to all the dumb things I've done. It definitely tends to sting my ego when I look at all my flaws. At least it hurts more than smoothing over the trouble spots and pretending they're not there. But at least addressing them helps me release the problems so they aren't coming back to haunt me later on. Having said that, wouldn't you agree that it makes sense that denial is more harmful than curiosity? Maybe we should get a second opinion on Kitty's autopsy. Being curious means stepping out of your comfort zone occasionally and finding out what's beyond your own self- imposed limits. After all, until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being lost at sea. Is that not an uplifting thought or what? It really honestly is all in how you perceive that to be. Curiosity goes hand-in-hand with an adventurous spirit. When those two are at work, a person can really grow and thrive at an amazing rate. Admittedly, the places I personally have arrived at in life, I've not necessarily come to by way of straightforward paths. I love thrills, chills, adventures and the unknown, but only when I choose to like them. Life always has choices. The way any of us approach challenges is a choice. The choice I have made for myself is to walk the road I find myself on _ always ready to challenge and question each step I take and each new thing I'm confronted with along my way. It has allowed for so much more clarity than if I kept walking mindlessly down the well-marked, familiar road I'd walked for the majority of my life. Understand one thing, though. Whatever path it is that someone walks along through life, it inevitably has the good things and the bad things; it has parts that are beautiful and parts that are ugly. That's for anyone and everyone, so of course there's never a need to feel alone. The trick to all this is being able to acknowledge it all equally, the positive and negative. It matters not how painful or humiliating the negative parts feel when first looking at them, it's about how good it feels to let go of them after learning from them. I haven't found the process to be the easiest thing to do. It's definitely easier to say it than do it. My ego tends to get nice and bruised every time I do examine the parts of myself and my life that are not so fresh and flowery. But, if I weren't willing to risk the sting of doing that, I'd completely stagnate. Taking chances and being curious, despite the understanding that I might have to let go of certain things I cling to for security, is what lifts me up and out of myself. It's what constantly propels me forward toward bigger, better, more rewarding things. As I look back on everything in my life thus far, I really don't have any regrets about what I did or what happened. I've taken a liking to my bruised ego. Picking apart every experience, looking for what I can learn from each experience and then moving on is the only way I'll have it. I do spend my fair share of time beating myself up over mistakes and circumstances that have gone sour, no doubt, but the key for me is keeping the big picture of life in mind. That means clearing away the messy parts of life by confronting them rather than wallowing in them, or equally as bad, by just putting a patch over them and pretending they aren't there. I'd rather be free, not haunted by the past. I guess you could say my whole philosophy in life is _ if Kitty can survive through the trials and tribulations, so can I. Stay curious! Kate Pavlacka, a graduate of the State University College at Oneonta, has been totally blind for 11 years.
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