Published: May 31, 2008 12:00 am      

Senior Scene: As Time Goes By: The sweet song of temptation

I am ashamed to confess that whenever temptation crosses my path, I follow along.

For me temptation is like the Pied Piper of Hamlin. Temptation calls to me and I go skipping down the path of condemnation humming a tune of joy.

Ever since that snake in the Garden of Eden, mankind (which includes womankind) has fallen for temptation's song. Of course it had to be a woman who started all the problems by having a conversation with a snake.

Eve claimed the snake "beguiled" her. She should have been very suspicious because whoever heard of a talking snake (other than Harry Potter, and politicians, who didn't exist then)?

Now temptation has many forms. For men, the most common form consists of a short skirt and a trim ankle. (Or so I heard.)

For women, temptation, I am told, might be as simple as nice "buns." (Why women can think of baking as being temptation is beyond my comprehension.)

I was introduced to temptation at a very early age. It was during World War II when toys were very scarce and what did I spy at the local five-and-dime but a cast metal airplane that had folding wings and retractable landing gear. The price was $1.59.

Back then $1.59 was a lot of money. (You could get into a sugar coma at the local candy store for only a dime.)

I knew that there was no way my mother would give me $1.59 for a toy when bread was 19 cents, so with a heavy heart I started to turn away from the toy display when up jumped temptation.

"Go ahead," temptation sweetly sang, "They'll never miss it and you can walk out of here after you put it under your coat."

Now I wish I could say that three years of Lutheran Sunday school training where I was constantly told I would fry in hell if I broke any commandments prevailed, but temptation sang such a sweet song.

I picked the plane up and after checking that everything worked (I didn't want to steal a defective plane) I shoved it into my waist band, buttoned my coat and walked slowly out of the store.

Unfortunately the plane slid beneath my waistband and dropped into the crotch of my underwear. (To this day I can only imagine what people thought when they saw this 6 year-old child with the odd shaped pants.) As soon as I hit the sidewalk I ran like the hounds of hell were after me (the airplane stayed put).

Everything went well until I got home and told my mother, "Look what I found in the A&P parking lot."

My mother looked at me and the airplane and asked, "Henry, did you steal that plane?"

How did she know? "Did you tell me a lie?"

Oh, my God, I'm going to fry in hell!

My brother Fred insisted that I was going to go to jail where they put out the lights at night and you could scream all you wanted because nobody would hear you. (My brother Fred always tried to make my life as easy as possible.)

My mother put on her coat and walked me back to the five-and-dime. Calling the manager, she told me to "confess." Tears streaming down my face, I sobbed out the words about how temptation sang her song in my ear and having no moral fiber, I stole the plane. I could hear the gates of jail clang shut behind me as the gates of hell squeaked opened to welcome me in.

The manager asked me if I had learned my lesson and after I said "yes" and put the airplane back on display, I went home vowing that I would never ever listen to temptation's song again.

This lasted for about five weeks.

I was trying to work out a scorecard of my ability to resist temptation's call over the years and figure that I was batting around .500. (If we consider taking the little bar of soap from motels as stealing, then I am in big trouble.)

It is my theory that your ability to resist temptation increases with age.

First of all, as you age your ability to run decreases because arthritis is attacking your knee joints and, in addition, after 10 steps most of us start to get winded. The other thing is that most of the bodily functions that got you in trouble in your younger years start to fail as you get older, so in essence Mother Nature pulls your plug.

You can't fool Mother Nature. (Why is it that women are always in the driver's seat of the bus through life?)

Down through the ages temptation has created a lot of trouble. Think of Samson and Delilah and the haircut, David and Bathsheba and the bathtub episode, Enron and the commodities scam and the greatest hoax of all, the oil companies complaining that they need subsidies while Exxon posts a $43 billion profit! Exxon is doing to us what Eliot Spitzer got for only $5,000. We are being robbed!

There have been a "few" times since the airplane episode where I succumbed to temptation's song, but I'll save them for a later article. Temptation still sings to me, and my auditory canal is still good enough to hear the words. I get excited, but as time goes by, I can't remember why.

Henry Geerken is a three-time NYSUT award-winner writing humorous articles addressing retiree and senior citizen concerns. He can be reached by e-mail at hgeerken@stny.rr.com.