Published: July 12, 2008 04:15 am         

disABILITY: We can't obsess over time going by

Time keeps moving, and it just will not wait for me.

I have a short while to be who I am and do what I intend to do in this life; yet I don't know what my big intent in life should be.

Time keeps moving, and it just will not wait for me.

It occurs to me, as I am introduced to and dabble in some activity, that it really resonates and interests me.

But time keeps moving, and it just will not wait for me.

Some of the passions that have emerged on my horizon stay high in the sky; and yet some of them sink slowly and are lost at sea.

And all the while, time keeps moving, and it just will not wait for me.

I think back on all the time that has passed, where I came from, and where I've been _ and where I think my destination could be.

But time does not ponder what coulda, woulda or should be.

I stretch to touch this one passion of mine, which I have been following for some time; gently floating in the sky just above me.

Time notices this, but "onward" is all he whispers back at me

Mildly flustered, I shout back at him, "Slow down and then I can really do this right; slow down and I can become all that I can be!"

But time keeps moving, and it just will not wait for me.

So I decide to forget time; I even wonder if I can lose him and then be able to live my life at the pace that feels right to me.

Sure enough, time keeps moving, and it just will not wait for me.

So I simply go about life and discovering my passion; and the only thing I let myself worry about is being all that I can be.

And of course, time keeps moving, yet I no longer need it to wait for me.

The more I focus on what matters the most, the less I struggle to keep up, or spend needlessly wishing time would cater to just me.

This month's column was supposed to be about something different _ but it's about time, instead, now.

I don't know how I have topic changes like this, but time has been on my mind a lot lately.

It has often seemed like there's never enough of it.

I've spent a lot of time worrying entirely too much about how much time it takes me or could potentially take me to do what I want to do. And that worry, as paradoxical as it is, has tended to be the root of so much complacency in my life.

If I assume I won't have time for something, I immediately let it fall by the wayside and just pine over the fact that I just don't have time for things. It's not like I even do what I can do in the time I have. I've just spent so much time in my life being an all-or-nothing kind of girl like that, though.

It was somewhat recently that I grabbed a hold of a real passion of mine. It's been something that requires consistent attention to learn. And, for me, it's been a challenge to overcome my concerns about time and my assumptions about real productivity along the way.

I'm so entirely passionate about the endeavor, though, that the less I worry about time and just stay focused on what matters to me, the happier I am.

The Western world continues to expect things to come faster and faster and faster. I suppose it's not bad to expect technology to work in nanoseconds, but to become so obsessed with speed and time is a little ridiculous with regard to human development and human interaction.

I've realized that if I am going to be all that I can be, it's going to be by way of patience with myself and the developmental process, not becoming obsessed with time or speed.

Kate Pavlacka, a graduate of the State University College at Oneonta, has been totally blind for 11 years.