Did you ever think about how all the colors got their names? Some cave person (to be politically correct) held up a green apple and said, "Red."
Since "red" indicated harvest time all the tribal members ate the green apples thinking that this was a good thing. Not so!
By morning the restrooms were jammed to the hinges and sometime around 3 a.m. they ran out of toilet paper. What a mess! It was not a pretty picture. The only survivors were those standing upwind.
When I was a kid, Saturday night was "Italian Night," at our house. Now Italian Night could consist of any of a wide variety of vegetables served with No. 9 thin spaghetti and ketchup as the sauce. That's it, no meatballs or sausage or anything else _ just plain old ketchup straight from the bottle. Yum, yum good! In today's parlance I was a culturally deprived child.
When my children were old enough to appreciate the finer things in life we would have "Italian Night" and pass the tradition, along with the bottle of ketchup, around the table. Ketchup was put on spaghetti, ergo ketchup was spaghetti "sauce."
Turn the clock forward a number of years to when my joyous new wife, Diane, announced that on the weekend we would celebrate "Italian" night.
Commencing on Wednesday, Diane started gathering ingredients. Sweet Italian sausage, hamburger, cans of tomato sauce, tomato concentrate, crushed tomatoes, celery, onions, spices, and seasonings were stacked either on the floor or in the refrigerator.
The kids looked on in awe because all they had ever seen was a bottle of ketchup. Before Diane, life was so easy; unscrew the cap and thump the bottle on the bottom.
For three days the aroma in our house was indescribably delicious. Caramelized onions, baked sausage, baked hand-formed meatballs, and the sauce became acquainted in a huge 22-quart cooking pot that was kept on the stove with a very "low heat," setting which ensured a constantly bubbling sauce. It was to die for! The only thing that required attention was to ensure that the sauce would not catch on the bottom of the pot.
Saturday arrived and the kids were sitting at the table. Diane brought out the homemade spaghetti sauce and with just the hint of a drum roll and a fanfare of trumpets sat the sauce, the meatballs and sausage with the angel-hair spaghetti in front of the family.
We said "grace" and then my children looked frantically around and in chorus stated, "Where's the ketchup bottle?"
I grabbed the spaghetti bowl put some on my plate and proceeded to add the meat filled sauce onto the spaghetti with as much fanfare as I could muster.
The kids took my hint and did the same.
I wish I could say that the meal ended with cheers to the cook but ketchup verses homemade spaghetti sauce must be like scotch, an acquired taste.
I must confess that I wouldn't eat several of the Italian dishes that my wife cooks without the homemade sauce. In fact her sauce has become the standard that all other sauces are measured against and most of the time you will hear, "almost as good as your sauce, Mom."
For years now, everything has been going along smoothly without snags. This winter, while my mother-in-law was visiting us, Diane purchased some very unique ear-shaped pasta and some spaghetti sauce which contained vodka as a base. (The concept of mixing spaghetti sauce in vodka seems like a "natural".)
I am not flexible to change but if I had been an explorer we would still be in Europe.
Diane cooked up the pasta "ears" and the vodka sauce and placed it on the table. I said in a sincere voice "Where's the ketchup bottle?" There was dead silence. Then Pat, my wonderful mother-in-law and champion spaghetti sauce maker said in a voice dripping with incredulity "Ketchup? You want ketchup?"
Faster than you can say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," I responded with "ketchup is an important food source and once-upon-a-time was touted to be nutritional by a U.S. President." Her response was, "I bet you believe in the tooth fairy also?" (Tooth fairy no, Santa Claus, yes.")
Since that episode I have been trying to get back into the good graces of "Grandma Pat."
I have been running exhaustive tests on the curative phenomena of ketchup. Deep research indicates that ketchup is much like aspirin. The whole effect has not been found yet but here is what I found out to date:
BAD KNEES: Rub ketchup into the knee that hurts the most. Don't be shy rub them in real good until you start to have a ketchup sensation in the back of your throat _ this will tell you that you are full of it just like me.
If your ketchup starts to wear off you can either add more and go back to sleep or the option is go outside and let all the dogs and cats get a whiff of you.
They will smell the ketchup and think that you are a McDonald's burger or a Wendy's hot and juicy and will chase you as long as your knees hold out. You are guaranteed to lose six pounds of fat this way.
DANDRUFF CONTROL: Use ketchup as a hair shampoo and when you have it all over your head go to a neighbor's house and knock on the door. When they answer tell them you have a "splitting" headache. You will not be able to stop laughing.
I tried it out and my neighbor lost total control of her bladder and every other thing "South of the Border." Unfortunately we were standing in my foyer.
KETCHUP PAINT: Use ketchup instead of paint. Smear it on liberally. This way in case a tornado rips your house apart you can take the splinters of wood-ketchup and by boiling them make delicious tomato bisque. Afterwards you can dry the splinters for the next fire.
Don't forget that ketchup has NO CALORIES. (If you rip off the label).
Remember ketchup has nutritional value _ because a politician and I told you so. If you can trust politicians you can trust me.
Henry Geerken is a three-time NYSUT award-winner writing humorous articles addressing retiree and senior citizen concerns. Geerken also writes for Sail-World, World Cruising Newsletter, regarding his many humorous sailing episodes through the years. He can be reached by e-mail at email@example.com. 'Senior Scene' columns can be found at www.thedailystar.com/seniorscene.
Did you ever think about how all the colors got their names? Some cave person (to be politically correct) held up a green apple and said, "Red."
Celebrating Passover away from home: Local groups offer students opportunities
"You shall keep this as a rule for you and your children for all time. When you shall enter the land which the LORD will give you as he promised, you shall observe this rite. Then, when your children ask you, 'What is the meaning of this rite?' you shall say, 'It is the LORD's Passover, for he passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt when he struck the Egyptians but spared our houses.' " --Exodus 12:24-27.Continued ...
The history of Passover
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Along with working, competition and transportation, as well as being coveted companion animals for pleasure riding, horses add the magic of healing to their many talents.Continued ...
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- Celebrating Passover away from home: Local groups offer students opportunities
- Around The Arts
Volunteers are the SWAT of the arts world
When you work at an arts organization, particularly a nonprofit, employees often wear many hats -- accomplishing the duties that appear in the traditional job description, and then some. It happens everywhere. It's a running joke among people who work at nonprofits. There is too much to do, and not enough people to do it. That's when you call in the back up -- SWAT if you will.Continued ...
Let creativity flow with unstructured art projects
As I sit here writing this, the holiday glow is still going strong (my column deadline is two weeks before the publication date), and I've been spending a great deal of time not only with my daughter, but her stuff. We're incredibly lucky to have a loving network of family and friends that spoil her, so I've been merging her new goodies with her old.Continued ...
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So often in this column my co-writer, Brittany, and I talk about how art is everywhere and can be appreciated by all. Perhaps because of my passion for everyday art, there is one part of the art world I just cannot grasp -- art appraisal. How can you put a value on something so seemingly subjective? So, I set out to learn more about this industry.Continued ...
Flash mobs more theatrical production than dance
Most people are familiar with the term "flash mob." It's associated with groups of people congregating briefly to the surprise of the surrounding public, and often incorporates a choreographed dance. You've probably been witness to one, or you've probably seen one online, as they are extensively documented -- there are more than 10,000 results on YouTube if you search for flash mobs.Continued ...
- Volunteers are the SWAT of the arts world
- Music Beat
Complete education involves classroom, real-world learning
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- Complete education involves classroom, real-world learning
- Parenting Imperfect
I want to visit the world of 'The Pioneer Woman'
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It is in February when the breaking point is reached
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Ibuprofen saved the vacation
Right after New Year's Day, we four hearty souls flew to Orlando to visit my mother, stepfather and aunt.Continued ...
The write stuff is often hard to find in my household
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We have reached that golden age when both kids are responsible enough to be trusted alone for short periods of time.Continued ...
- I want to visit the world of 'The Pioneer Woman'
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Social Security: If you give a man a computer mouse, see what happens
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From the Office: Time is now to plan for the aging tsunami
It's coming. Maybe not this year, but starting in 2016, the number of older adults across the our country will begin to grow. At first it will only be a small increase, but as the baby boomers move up in age, the wave of individuals coming into the "senior" age group will become the largest in the census categories.Continued ...
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Social Security: 2014 is a year of changes at Social Security Administration
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- Tech, GP
Thankful hard-disk shortage is about over, and counting my blessings
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Businesses need backups for their computer people, systems
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