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Lifestyles

November 9, 2013

A Halloween message to my future self

I’m writing this column a few days before Halloween. And I’m writing this mostly for my future self, as a reminder of the lessons learned this particular last week in October.

To begin, future self, that box of Halloween decorations, which you had your husband haul down from the attic, is still sitting in the middle of the TV room waiting for someone to put them up. Please remember that there are no magical decorating fairies. Martha Stewart definitely does not live here, which is for the best, because she would be appalled.

Still, let’s try to pick up our game, shall we.

Yes, current self, I know that it has been busy and that every Halloween comes as a complete surprise. It’s like I’m the goldfish in the bowl who is surprised by the castle each and every time.

I thought that early childhood would be the hardest phase of my kids’ lives. Not hard for them, mind you, but hard for the adults. But it’s not hard to get up a dozen times each night — exhausting and soul-crushing, yes, but not technically a challenge.

I thought that once we got through that, it would be a cake walk. Sadly, there is no cake.

Yes, I get plenty of sleep but what I almost never get anymore is enough time. All I do is schlep various children to various places where they do various things, all of which require various amounts of money. What I’m left with — other than no money — are weird little pieces of time that aren’t really big enough to go all the way back home because I’ll just have to leave again the instant I get there or that are too big to simply wait in the car because I can’t find a comfortable position in which to read.

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