The Daily Star, Oneonta, NY - otsego county news, delaware county news, oneonta news, oneonta sports


March 9, 2013

As Time Goes By: Coming of age in the grocery store


My first attempts at steering were clumsy. I’d get partway into the turn and forget to keep pressure on the lever that gave it the power to move. I looked just like that car on T.V. that keeps jumping forward and then stopping.

In no time I had mastered the eye-hand coordination necessary for smooth operation and people started having confidence in my ability to stop by getting in my way.

I was mumbling under my breath that what I needed was one of those old fashioned “ooga” horns that could be found on old Model Ts.

A moment later, I looked at the steering column and spied a button that said, “Press here if you want to scare people out of their shorts.” I did, expecting some kind of noise that would herald attention to clear the road or aisle whichever came first. I hoped for something you would find on an 18-wheeler.

All I got was a feeble “feep.” The sound was akin to something when you are blowing your nose after your mucous membranes had gone dry.

It sounded like something you would give to a vehicle that was on its last legs. “Feep!” I could make more noise rubbing two crickets together.

I tried it out on a group that has holding a coffeeklatsch in a center aisle. They didn’t even look up. Nobody respects the elderly anymore.

Still, I had a ball! No longer was I confined to the distance my legs could walk before I felt like collapsing. I could scoot from the meat display to the wine display and find out what was “on sale.” Then I could scoot back and pick out some meat for the main entrée and have a coordinated bottle of wine to match the choice. Compliments were sure to abound.

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