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December 14, 2013

As Time Goes By: How to find out if you're naughty or nice

“You better watch out, you better not pout,” the fat man in the red suit is giving a shout!

Very early on in my childhood I learned all the “Santa Claus” signals — the biggest threat being the dreaded lump of coal. If you got one in your stocking it meant you were on the short list of getting nothing for Christmas.

The dreaded lump of coal also gave you a reprieve — by being holier than an angel, you just might find redemption and get something under the tree.

Sure, it was emotional blackmail that worked for my parents and in my time worked for me with my children. However, my threat had to be prefaced with a lesson on what a lump of coal was.

How are you stacking up? How do you know where you are in the pecking order — fantastic Christmas presents or are you going to be so-so? For an answer, I turned to the “Close Cover before Striking School of Naughty or Nice.” (CCBSSNN)

You know you have been naughty when there is frost on your morning’s cup of coffee.

You know you have been nice when you find a “smiley face” written in the mist on the mirror of the bathroom vanity after you put down the seat on the toilet.

You know you have been naughty when you wake in the morning and your spouse says “You were talking in your sleep last night,” and after a pause she asks, “Who is Alice?”

You know you have been nice when you assist someone older than you across the street. (Walker to walker.)

You know you have been naughty when everybody stops talking at once to stare at you.

You know you were naughty when you get the licking of your life for plunking your sister in her butt with the B.B. gun. (Even if she really deserved it.)

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