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Local Sports

February 2, 2013

The Daily Star Super Bowl XLVII Predictions

(Continued)

Coury bet the house on a random bird attack, which I assume is the same system he uses to determine who goes first in the Punt, Pass and Kick qualifier at Neahwa Park. I was going to write that’s how he comes up with the “pecking order,” but that’s just silly.

Goble relied on a 9-year-old. I assume that’s the same person who dresses him in the morning. That would explain the Transformers T-shirt and shorts combo he wore to work the other day.

As for the newcomers, it’s obvious Vernold has way too much time on his hands, Deemer’s already been brainwashed by Centorani, and Walsh isn’t about to let stats get in the way of a good prediction.

It’s also obvious nobody knows what he or she is talking about except Neagle, and that just scares me.

Ravens this, Ray Lewis that. Blah, blah, blah.

Have you seen Colin Kaepernick play football? It’s like he’s throwing magnets at robots, and those men of metal include Randy Moss, Michael Crabtree and Vernon Davis. All of those guys have had 900-plus-yard seasons at some point in their careers, and they’re all on the same team.

Frank Gore’s sixth 1,000-yard rushing season means he’s kind of good at running back, too.

And I think the Niners have way more tattoos, so duh? That means they’re way tougher than the Ravens.

David Akers’ mom and I believe he can kick a big field goal in the Super Bowl, too. He won’t have to, though, because it’ll be all Niners on Sunday.

In short, nobody believes there’s room for fluff about taxes, family, pizza or random acts of bird violence in a Super Bowl prediction. I know because I asked Greg, and he asked everybody again.

Hey Goble and the rest of you “sports” people, wake up!

Prediction: 49ers 35, Ravens 17

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