``Do the Republicans really want to win this year?'' asked Uncle Chet as he poured glasses of red wine to go with bacon-and-tomato pizza.
``They always want to win,'' I said.
``And preside over the biggest defeat in our history?'' he asked, ``the trillion-dollar loss of Iran and Afghanistan? Do they want to be held responsible for gas going up a dime a week and angry people losing their homes, their hopes, everything?''
``It may not be that dire,'' said Alice as she passed the fruit salad around the table. ``How many people do we know who are losing a home?''
``Or would they rather hand this one off to the Democrats,'' he said, ``the failed war and an economy so weak they have to send out refunds a year early and beg us to spend like there's no tomorrow?''
``Now there's a cheery thought,'' said Hon.
``You know your money is becoming worthless when the government sends it back to you,'' said Uncle Chet. ``And you know the Republicans can't be serious when they put up a retro-candidate like McCain. He makes Dole look like a fresh face.''
``He's about even in the polls, last I saw,'' I said.
``Florida's the only state where he has a chance,'' he said. ``He'll go down two-to-one in November when the Democrats rally round Obama, and that's already starting. By Wednesday, Hillary will be out of contention and the big question will be, `who should be the veep?''
``What's a veep?'' asked Buddy, who was following this closely.
``Right now, he's a creep,'' said his older sister, our ninth-grader, and everyone eyed her.
``Very good!'' Uncle Chet beamed.
```Veep' is short for vice president,'' said Hon. ``Uncle Chet is wondering who'll run with Obama to be vice president.''
``I'll take the job,'' I said.
``He doesn't need a New Yorker, you or Hillary. But he'd better pick someone with the same philosophy, or he won't last a year.''
``You mean he'll get shot,'' I said.
``Like Abraham, Martin and John. He's talking about taxing billionaires, ending war profits, reining in the right wing, and that's deadly.''
``I think he should pick Edwards,'' said Alice. ``They're both good on health care and the war, and Edwards seems stronger than he was four years ago.''
``Edwards for attorney general,'' said Uncle Chet.
``How about Bill Richardson?'' asked Hon. ``He's experienced, progressive and he'd bring out the Hispanic vote. They might even win Texas.''
``That's my choice,'' said Uncle Chet. ``With the black vote and the Hispanic vote, we wouldn't even need a majority of the white vote to win the White House. But I think Obama will win the white vote when it's down to a two-man race: It's not rocket science when one guy's singing `bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb-bomb Iran,' and the other's offering you peace, solar energy and affordable health care.''
``I think we're forgetting the women's vote,'' said Alice. ``A lot of women were really hoping for Hillary and they're going to be disappointed in the Democrats, especially if McCain runs with Condoleezza.''
``Condoleezza would kill McCain,'' said Uncle Chet. ``He can't run with her, then try to claim he's different from Bush. Not happening, though I wish it would. Love to see it. Can you imagine a black on both sides? Then who would all those `hard-working' West Virginians have to vote for?''
``McCain could pick Romney,'' I suggested.
``Romney or Huckabee,'' said Hon.
``I think Huckabee would be stronger, especially in the south,'' said Alice.
``Obama and Richardson, versus McCain and Huckabee,'' I pondered.
``You're all wrong. He's running with Lieberman,'' said Uncle Chet. ``Who's at his side now, stoking fears of domestic terrorism? Joseph Lieberman. Who's traveling around with him, grabbing the microphone when he has a senior moment? Joseph Lieberman, the former Democrat and the biggest reason Gore lost eight years ago. All the `Joementum' is with the GOP this time, and we already know that's the kiss of death.''
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Cooperstown News Bureau Reporter Tom Grace is traveling with his Uncle Chet, who he says is imaginary. Grace's column appears every other week.
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