Travels With Uncle Chet: Dems should pick anyone but Hillary
COLUMBUS _ ``I call this meeting to order,'' said Uncle Chet, as he passed the platter of chicken down the table. ``How are we going to nominate anyone but Hillary?''
``It might be too late,'' I said.
``I think she's been anointed,'' said Alice, handing me the cranberry sauce.
``I have a question,'' asked Buddy, who won the social studies award in kindergarten last year.
``What's that?'' said Hon.
``Is Hillary like President Bush?''
``More than you'd think, little boy,'' said Uncle Chet.
``They both love NAFTA,'' I noted.
``Who's NAFTA?'' asked Buddy.
``A bad idea,'' I said.
``NAFTA is an agreement to ship jobs out of the United States,'' said Uncle Chet. ``The Bushes love it because it breaks unions, and it was a high point in Hillary's first eight years in the White House.''
``Makes the rich, richer, and the poor, poorer,'' I said.
``And Hillary voted to attack the Iraqis,'' Alice noted.
``While Bill was in Britain, helping Blair sell the war to the British public,'' said Uncle Chet. ``And now, she's pre-approved attacking the Iranians.''
``You wonder what Bill's role will be if she's elected,'' I said.
``I'm all Hillary-Billaried out,'' said Uncle Chet. ``She seemed like a co-president in the '90s until her health-care plan flopped, and what a disgrace that was. Insurance companies are gobbling up a third of the health-care dollar, so she comes up with a plan with them at the center of it.''
``She's afraid of them,'' said Hon.
``This chicken's delicious,'' I said.
``It is,'' Alice agreed.
``Afraid, or in cahoots?'' said Uncle Chet. ``You have to remember, Hillary's a Wal-mart lawyer. She spent years on the board of directors of that big Chinese outlet store, which isn't really known for employee benefits.''
``Are you sure that's true?'' asked Hon.
``Sure,'' he said. ``This `it takes a village' makeover was just a way to appease the party's base. Now, don't get me wrong. She's better than Bush. At least the Clintons balance the budget and keep their hands off Social Security.
``But you could make a case that David Duke is better than George W. Bush; I just don't think you have to set your sights so low.''
``I don't understand,'' said the little miscreant, who's at an age to challenge everything. ``You say Hillary's better than the Republicans, but you're against her.''
``She's not very good, and she's bound to lose,'' said Uncle Chet.
``I don't know,'' our ninth grader said. ``She's ahead in the polls.''
``Only because the media moguls are holding their fire. They're encouraging her nomination because they know she's vulnerable. If you think Kerry was hammered last time, wait till you see how Hillary's drop-kicked as soon as she's the nominee. Fox will regurgitate TravelGate, Vince Foster, Whitewater, Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers, and there will be no debate on health care or war or the economic treason of sending our factories off-shore.''
``I think Hillary and Giuliani are going to be nominated, and it'll be a close election,'' said Hon.
``If that happens, he's going to win,'' said Uncle Chet. ``That's why I thought we should push for Edwards.''
``Obama's got more money coming in,'' I said.
``True, but I think he's fading,'' said Uncle Chet. ``He was new and different and people had hope even six months ago, but he's already shop-worn somehow. He hasn't really come out for anything to set himself apart. He keeps saying he didn't vote to start the war, but he wasn't a senator then, so he didn't vote for anything.''
``You think Edwards can win?'' Hon said doubtfully.
``Maybe. His `two-Americas' theme hits home with anyone who has to work for a living,'' said Uncle Chet. ``Let's face it: the basic issue in America is how we divide the money. For seven years, we've operated on the theory that giving the rich more makes the whole nation better off. But are we better off now than we were in 2000?
``Not too many people think so. It's the perfect time for Edwards, and we'd better jump on his bandwagon while there's still a chance.''
``$400 haircuts, and all?'' asked Alice.
``I don't care about his haircuts,'' said Uncle Chet. ``I care about his message: the little guy's getting hammered.''
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Cooperstown News Bureau Reporter Tom Grace is traveling with his Uncle Chet, who he says is imaginary. Grace's column appears every other week.
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