"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
- Mark Twain, upon learning that his obituary had been published in the New York Journal.
Obituaries have long been a staple of American newspapers, even being the only items some people read each day.
As someone who writes a column, that’s a practice I would heartily discourage.
Still, I can understand those who say they look at the obituaries first thing in the morning, and if their name isn’t there, they get up and have breakfast.
I’ve also come to understand family members who include unusual entries in the summations of their loved ones’ lives.
How many times have you seen something like this?
"Among the survivors are her Aunt Helen, Uncle Jake and her beloved cat, Fluffy."
For many years, newspapers have grappled with the concept of paid obituaries, that is, allowing folks to write virtually anything they want about the deceased as long as they are willing to pay for however many words they use.
Traditionally, obituaries have been free, written by a reporter or copy editor and edited just like any other newsworthy event.
Mentioning Fluffy _ or, for that matter, any other pet _ would not be allowed. A lot of papers also won’t include cousins, grandchildren and other relatively distant relatives.
On some of the nation’s larger newspapers, the obituary beat is much-prized because it gives a writer the opportunity to explore the lives of interesting people and to chronicle history.
But often, doing obituaries is the first thing a rookie reporter is assigned to do.
Most of those "obits" are heavily dependent upon information provided by the family or funeral homes and are done in a formulaic fashion to conform with the newspaper’s writing style.
The trend toward paid obituaries has been fueled by people’s desires to write what they want without the filter of a reporter or copy editor doing more than cleaning up grammar and punctuation mistakes.
"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
- Sam Pollak
Macho, crazy America sticks to its guns
"I shoot first, and ask questions later."
My father is in my mirror, my dreams
"My father! -- methinks I see my father."
Being president doesn't look like much fun
I wish everybody would just quit bugging me about it.
Some changes are just style over substance
Many of us who toil day after dogged day at our nation's newspapers to do the work of the angels -- informing a grateful public all about what we think it should know -- have a profound interest in two books that have stood the test of time.
Mr. Adelson disturbs my 'ghetto mentality'
This Sheldon Adelson guy makes me very nervous.
- Saturday, March 22, 2014
A minority group that's getting out of hand
You know how it is with this one particular minority group. I'm pretty sure you know which one I'm talking about here.
- Saturday, March 1, 2014
Religion should be a comfort, not a weapon
Discuss politics or religion in any establishment that specializes in dispensing alcohol, and -- proprietors warn -- the discussion is highly likely to result in you waking up on the tavern floor and spitting out teeth, probably your own.
- Saturday, February 8, 2014
The world must think we're nuts
Full disclosure here: I have not surveyed the views of every one of the nearly 7 billion people on Earth who do not live in the United States. Still I feel on solid ground when I submit that the rest of the world must surely believe that Americans are crazy.
- Saturday, January 18, 2014
Mistakes easy to take ... if they're not yours
Every newspaper editor I know has the same philosophy about ghastly mistakes.
- Saturday, December 28, 2013
Celebrate 2013 with the annual 'Sammy Awards'
OK, now I'm good and angry. After eight years of pounding the keys until my fingerprints wear off while producing my coveted Sammy Awards, I discover that something called Security Sales and Integration (SSI) Magazine is attempting to horn in on my good name with its own Sammy Awards.
- Saturday, December 7, 2013
The feds still aren't coming for your guns
"Tuck this column you wrote away in your scrapbook ... it will one day prove to be a source of great embarrassment for you."
- Saturday, November 16, 2013
50 years can't fade a day to remember
For the record -- and to ease the burden of research for my future biographers -- I was eating a tuna fish sandwich … on white bread … with lettuce and mayo.
- Saturday, October 26, 2013
Getting robbed of my untapped potential
This …. well … could have happened.
- Saturday, October 5, 2013
Here's what I've learned about the next generation
"I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. ... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly (disrespectful) and impatient of restraint."
- Saturday, September 14, 2013
I blame the liberals for America's mess
I blame the liberals.
- Saturday, August 24, 2013
Treat A-Rod like a player, not a gladiator
Compared with -- say -- the practices of ancient Rome, the penalties for failure of character or performance on today's athletic fields could be considered rather mild.
- Saturday, August 3, 2013
Americans need a vacation from gridlock
Exhausted from a nonstop regimen of doing nothing, members of Congress -- the best politicians money can buy -- are badly in need of a vacation.
- Saturday, July 13, 2013
Success in politics is just scandalous
After a professional lifetime of chronicling the feats and foibles of politicians, I got to wondering what it might be like to become one.
- Saturday, June 22, 2013
Reflections of a really lousy movie date
All those girls who turned me down when I was single and asked them if they'd like to go to a movie with me don't know how fortunate they were.
- Saturday, June 1, 2013
Justice Dept., IRS abuses worth screaming about
"If this had happened while a Republican was president, the liberal media would be screaming."
- Macho, crazy America sticks to its guns