Hey, remember me? I'm the genius who predicted John Edwards would win the Democratic nomination.
It says here that the Democratic Party nominee for president will be (kindly pause here for a drum roll) ... John Edwards.
Yup, that was me about a year ago.
A bit of advice: When you're through reading this bit of doggerel, carefully cut it out of the newspaper, preserve it under glass for _ oh _ about 14 or 15 months ...
... Then (and this is very important) remove it from the glass before you shove it into my face.
Feel free to accompany this action with appropriate pejorative remarks about how I must have been drunk or on drugs when I made that John Edwards prediction back in January of 2007.
I was neither drunk nor on drugs when I wrote those words. I don't know whether that makes it better or worse.
The bottom line is, I was wrong. I made a mistake.
The preceding paragraph contains 11 words in a sequence we are extremely unlikely to hear from any of the characters who might actually become our next president.
Even waterboarding wouldn't get Hillary Clinton to admit her votes authorizing and funding the war in Iraq were mistakes.
You won't find Barack Obama conceding that there is anything in his memoir, "Dreams From My Father," that is anything but the gospel truth despite pretty solid evidence to the contrary.
Mitt Romney looking into a camera and saying that he's flip-flopped on every major social issue from abortion to gun control to gay rights to immigration to campaign-finance reform?
Don't be absurd.
John McCain's "straight talk express" was on the right track when he voted twice against the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. But now he seems to have a tough time remembering those votes and wants to make the tax cuts permanent.