Wasn't it in the 1940s, if my memory is correct, that our grammar school report cards listed "deportment" along with the other necessary subjects?
That seems to stick in my mind. Perhaps because "Little things mean a lot." I remember that saying or was it a song from long ago?
Deportment means behavior, courtesy and just good manners. It also takes in poise, presence and even appearance.
We were actually graded on this, and I must say that it has been extremely beneficial through out my life. (When did the school system delete that?)
"Please," "May I?" "Thank you," "Excuse me," "I'm sorry" and many more phrases such as those are those little courtesies that are good manners.
They are respectful, show a caring attitude and are just the right thing to do.
Yes, seemingly, little things do mean a lot.
Along with those verbal manners could be a "get well" or "thinking of you" card, a phone call, flowers, good old chicken soup, or just a shoulder to lean on.
Those are the "little things" I have appreciated over the years.
Reciprocation: I have sincerely tried to apply these "little things" in my life throughout the years, or I should say ... throughout my older years since I had to learn to be more compassionate, understanding and thoughtful.
It certainly is an ongoing process to learn how to touch someone else's life for not only their benefit but as the Scripture, you are familiar with, says " ... throw your bread upon many waters and it will return to you."
You do "reap what you sow," or as the farmer would say ... "what goes around, comes around."
But when we are young, energetic and so full of "growing up" activities there seems to be very little time left to show those "little things" to others.
I remember when it was "hats off" for the male populace, especially in public buildings.
Today it seems like those bill caps are glued to a guy's head ... and usually backwards at that. I could offer a few comical scenarios about hiding a balding spot, a needed shampoo or even a neglected decent haircut, but nonetheless I still admire a well-groomed person ... and especially with good manners.
Now comes the topic of chivalry: It is not "dead"' as some say. (Although not very prevalent). I personally had experienced the most considerate courtesy the other day when a young man held the door open for me at our popular mall. I thanked him profusely.
But that's not only for the young or the "ladies first" old adage. Just the other day a very considerate older gentleman ushered me out the foyer of one of our Southside stores. I acknowledged his consideration and thanked him. But then, conversely, his wife gave us a suspicious frown. (Hum-m ... I took that as a compliment. Guess I must still have that certain "something" after all these years.)
Another old adage is that you get more bees with honey then with vinegar. It's advantageous to give a sincere "thank you," or a simple expression of your appreciation. The "I'm sorry" and "please forgive me" are few words, but, oh, how powerful. They can extinguish a heated argument or a grudge that could last for decades. The principal being to "seek peace and pursue it." It certainly takes humility and forethought. In fact you could call it an art ... the art of learning how to be gracious and congenial. Believe it or not: I am still learning.
A special friend once said, "Life is a school of learning. As you go through the difficult situations, take the lessons with you and help someone else."
That's a statement that can put a person in deep thought as to a self-application and the assisting of others.
Many times in my life I've had to admonish, correct or even discipline an individual. Sometimes it seems easier to just go the other way and ignore a situation that should be corrected. But that doesn't make for peace or help the erring person. The motive is love ... the caring for someone else and their happiness. Abdicating human responsibility is never productive.
Apply the honey and gain a friend. The "honey" in this case is commendation, the saying of something positive, commending the individual, before the reproof or constructive criticism. Sprinkle that with kindness and understanding. It works.
Yes, the little things do mean a lot. In fact the "little" turns into something that can last a lifetime and certainly adds to cement many a lifelong friendship.
As I lay my head on my pillow each night I can truthfully say that I have tried to spread the "little things" ... since they do mean a lot.
Elaine W. Kniskern is a 75-year-old resident of Schenevus and a grandmother of five.
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