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Senior scene

January 11, 2014

As Time Goes By: There are many things I'm glad I didn't do in my lifetime


I tried to visualize how this might taste by eating spaghetti and playing “pretend.” I got half-way through a swallow when my gulp down met the spaghetti coming up. It was a spectacular collision that included blow-back through my nose.

The other thing I hate about a safari involves things great or small. The infamous tse-tse fly doesn’t thrill me at all. One bite and it’s nighty-night time.

This might not be so bad because a good night’s sleep is supposed to “cleanse the brain.” I know this is true because I wake with a clean slate every morning or as Diane refers to it, “No brain, no pain.”

Also there are snakes in Africa that are not nice. Plus there are few flush toilets and lots of outhouses. It would just be my luck to sit down and be bit by an asp.

The other half of the great and small involves elephant “scat.” (Don’t panic, poop by any other name is still poop.)

Elephants are big and it just stands to reason that everything else would be proportional. As a kid, whenever my father took me for a walk, invariably he would say “Make sure you do not step in that, Henry.” Now that clump of dog doo could be across the street, but I would find some way to step in it.

I asked Diane if we were on a safari in Africa and I by pure chance fell into a pile of elephant “doo” and was on the verge of drowning, would she save me? She looked at me and asked “Does elephant poop stink?” I said “I think so.” She said, “I’d let you down.”

I’m glad I never had to live in an igloo. Ice-cold weather and I don’t mix well, except when it is the bottom of a glass.

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