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Senior scene

January 11, 2014

As Time Goes By: There are many things I'm glad I didn't do in my lifetime


Anyplace that would congeal oil in the oil-pan of a truck could congeal blood in my veins. I have enough circulatory problems without adding to it.

How would you ever make love in an igloo? Think about it! Eskimos — they are happy to rub noses for six months. Rubbing noses just doesn’t cut it for me, and an ice cube mattress just adds fuel to no fire.

I’m glad I never went up in a hot air balloon. I can just picture me trying to set a new world’s record for a balloon crossing the Atlantic when half-way through the trip I ask “what’s that hissing noise?”

I am glad that I never had to live in a world without chocolate. Like the medical folk in “Harry Potter,” chocolate cures everything.

Warm chocolate chip cookies with a glass of milk naturally are the elixir of life.

As a kid, I loved Easter, because that meant a chocolate bunny was somewhere in the house. It was so easy to find — just follow your nose.

Chocolate and I go way back. This close association includes the fact that I drool uncontrollably when we drive by the “Hershey” sign on our way down to Myrtle Beach each fall.

I’m glad I didn’t become a piano player in a house of ill repute. When I was about 14, this was a secret desire of mine. I’m glad it never happened. With my luck all the women would just have become nuns and the piano was never tuned. It doesn’t matter; I can’t play piano anyhow.

As time goes by, I thought I had seen everything, until I saw an ad for chocolate-scented stationary paper made out of recycled elephant poop.


Henry Geerken is a three-time NYSUT award-winner writing humorous articles addressing retiree and senior citizen concerns. Geerken also writes for Sail-World, World Cruising Newsletter, regarding his many humorous sailing episodes through the years. He can be reached by email at ‘Senior Scene’ columns can be found at

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