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Senior scene

June 1, 2013

As Time Goes By: Looking at retirement options (FOR MEN ONLY)

This is the time of year when decisions are made concerning retirement. If so, you are reading this just in time and you have decided to leave the hamster wheel of life to be in more “sedate” climes. If you have been retired for many years, there may be still hope for you.

If you are a female reading this, I know that the heading FOR MEN ONLY is far too great a temptation for you. All I can say is “Shame on you.”

Men, if you have just retired, you must read the following very carefully. You are about to enter a brand-new part of your life. In labor terms it is called “negotiations.”

When you retire, the first thing you must ask for is a job description. Without a job description, you will never know where you stand. It will be like building a sand castle at the beach – it looks good until the first wave comes along and everything is gone.

The job description is essential because your wife (whom we will call management) will try to get you (labor) to do all the “little” jobs, which have accumulated over 40 years of marriage and work, in one week. In your initial management-labor negotiations, remember if all else fails you can play the religion card — even God rested on the seventh day. (We have it on good authority that he was probably playing golf.)

After you wake at 10 a.m. on your first day of retirement, smile and leap out of bed full of pep and vinegar and announce to management (wife): “Right after you make me breakfast, honey, and you wash the dishes, we’ll tackle all those jobs you want done.” Make sure that you appear to be very eager to help.

Management (wife) will hand you a list that has got to get done. Look over the list. There is probably something that needs painting. Announce that this will be your first “retiree” job.

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