You know you have been nice when your mom bakes an extra lemon meringue pie “just for you.”
You know that you have been naughty when you find that the cat has eaten half your pie and you try to run her over with the tractor but only get a pitchfork stuck in one of the big tires, causing a leak, a loss of salt water, and an expensive repair bill. (Father was not happy.)
Sometimes you are naughty and you have no clue why. You know you are naughty when your toast is burned beyond recognition, your eggs runny, and your coffee salty. Afterwards you ask, “Did I do something wrong?” If your mate is mute and just shakes her head “no,” just accept you are guilty. Whatever you do, do not ask “What did I do?”
You know you have been naughty when halfway through the night you wake and all your covers are gone.
You know that you’ve been nice when you wake on a snow day and find your wife has shoveled the driveway.
You know that you’ve been naughty when on a snow day you find that you are sleeping with a snow shovel and again all your covers are gone.
You know you have been naughty when there is no hot water left for your shower and when you finish your cold water shower you haven’t any towel.
You know that you’ve been nice when your wife goes out and warms up the car on an ice cold day.
You know that you’ve been nice when you have nothing to confess at the church’s yearly reconciliation service.
You know that you’ve been naughty if you are still in the confessional two hours after everyone else has left.